I have found that I write best when I am saddest; and I have found that happiness, joy not only demand a prime sad, sad emotion, but they almost feel the same at their height. They feel and look the same. I have always pondered upon monotony, that life is ever revolving and our acts are nothing but routine. I have cried in joy and in weeping, and in the end of the emotion it will come back running full circle…most times back to square one.

I have always pondered upon monotony and have come to realize that the more of these I experience the more apathetic they ask us to be. Almost there is no point to getting excited over moments that are fleeting, successes that will pass, people that will come and go, sentiments forgotten, and the transience of it all.

I have found that people do, do and do, to hopefully finish. And when all is said and done, people crave what once passed through–what slipped our tongues, what slid through our fingers, what grew beyond us; faster than our minds can think or our mouths can speak…what we can not hold forever in our hands.

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The sun sets, its orange hues baffle us with beauty, then leaves us in with the darkness.

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Watched Wicked yesterday and overheard a dad ask his probably six year old daughter:

dad: do you know what gravity means?
daughter: yes dad. it’s the thing that pulls you down.
dad: yes so when you defy it, what does that mean?

silence

dad: it means you won’t let it bring you down. you go against it so you can fly.

***

kiss me goodbye, I’m defying gravity…but because I knew you, i have been changed–for good.

***

and now to eavesdrop on these two men who just realized their flight was at 7:30am, approximately three hours ago.

 

aa

“it is a tuesday when i love someone
who doesn’t love me. no, it’s not the first time,
but it’s a sad time. oh, it’s always a sad time
but my heart doesn’t listen, doesn’t understand,
soars like a child in a rocket ship,
doesn’t believe in gravity. doesn’t believe
in learning a lesson. wants to give
until there is nothing left but glitter.”

– Yena Sharma Purmasir

 

 

While some of us were working our eight hour office jobs, or in school for examinations, or simply going through what could be a monotony of rituals to go through the day or what could be exciting phases in our lives; the Supreme Court ruled for the LGBT community’s right to same-sex marriage. It was incredibly unbelievable for most people: an incredible victory for some, and an incredible abomination for others.

I was letting my Facebook feed inform me during this weekend and I stayed off the topic, without really thinking about it until a friend asked me if I was against or pro same sex marriage. My answer saddened me because I said “neither” that moment. And I hate apathy. Indifference kills so much of us. It cripples us. But that is a different story altogether. Anyway, it brought me to thinking and reading more articles. For one, I believe in God. And two, I know a lot of people dear to me who are part of the LGBT community.

The more I thought of my answer, the more it scared me. Was I only playing it safe and was my decision being dictated by my notion of what a good “Christian” is? That perhaps I should say I was not for it, but at the same time not against it?

I do not know a lot of things. But I know a lot of people I dearly love who grew up hiding their true selves, putting a lot of walls and inhibitions for fear of not being accepted not just by friends but by their very own families. No one ever deserves that feeling. I know people who have had attractions to the same sex since childhood and it baffles me. It baffles me  because how can a child deliberately “sin” if we’re taking homosexuality in that context? What’s even more sad is that I know a few people who have actually fought their attractions because they are Christians and are still homosexuals and are now facing what I could only hope to understand. I could only see it for myself as being forced to like another girl. I truly am lost wondering. That will be between them and God, or their god.

I do not know a lot of things. But I do know that when that article about the gay people mocking Christ on the cross circulated, people were quick  to point fingers. Let us remember that they are only part of the whole and do not represent each and every member of the LGBT community. In the same way as our personal opinions vary — that mine is not always representative of my family, of my friends, of my work, of my organization.

I do not know a lot of things. And it is a shame that I do not know my Bible extensively, but it is true that it tells us that homosexuals will not inherit the kingdom of God.

In 1 Corinthians 6:9 it says:

“Or do you not know that wrongdoers will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor men who have sex with men.”

It goes on to talk about premarital sex, divorce, and other sins — most of which have become acculturated into our society, institutionalized even. When parents no longer work as a functional foundation for their family, do we force them to stay together so as not to sin? I know this is a limited question warranting a broad — a very broad answer. When people commit premarital sex, do we condone them their entire lives and are we consumed by their whole identity?

And it continues on verse 10:

“nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God.”

When people drink, when people lie, when you and I sin, are we punished forever by society who also do the same? I do not know many things however I only know this: that I am only called to love.

I do not know a lot of things. All I know is that I am called to do my best, live my life the way I deem it right despite trials and most days I am only human. Aren’t we all? 

The Bible says, sinners will not inherit the kingdom of God. Aren’t we all sinners?

It saddens me how Christians can outright say that this is an abomination; haven’t we been abominating Christ ourselves?

I do not know a lot of things, but this I know for sure: I have never been in their shoes. I have never truly, deeply felt what it’s like  to be attracted to the same sex and be condemned for loving. And in the end, I will not be the one to judge, but rather would be at the other end when judgement day comes.

I do not know a lot of things, but at the end of the day, I know I am only called to love. Love always saves the day. Love always wins.

***

Matthew 7:4-5 tells us:

“How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.”

I sat on a school orientation today (not mine, unfortunately), and these are my takeaways from the speeches:

1. on respect

…”this is the best group of people you will ever work with — that I have worked with. We truly like each other, we may not always agree but we like each other: so much so that we respect each other in a level that allows us to disagree with each other.”

2. on being professional

…”they may say they’ll welcome you to the club when you graduate. I welcome you now. I see you as professionals, colleagues. Your profession starts here, right now, when you walk into those halls; the cafeteria, even.

3. on learning as a whole

…”the most important thing is who you are; not what you know.”

Time is passing. Pictures range from favorite days to days which stories don’t deserve retelling:

10

of favorites

Palm Springs

Someday

birthday

birthday flowers

Disneyland 2 19 penny arcade 22

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Some days go better than others; some days plan other days; some days prove previous the extreme opposite; some days are predictable; some days are lenient to us; we let some days be, some days let us be.

Some days are kind, some hopeful, some unforgiving. It’s already the second month of 2015, I’ve read two books, slept through the eve of my birthday since I can remember, been to church more than I used to, and started thinking more of dematerializing (mostly clothes and insincere relationships). If truth just happens as time is passing and memories are our constructs, I want to fill it with genuine people and only the necessary things.

If truth just happens as time is passing then memories are just our constructs. If memories are our constructs, I want to fill it with the warmth of lovely people. Because even in unkind days and days with seemingly endless monotony everything’s bearable with people who love you — even in your unkind days.

“However insistently the blind may deny the existence of the sun, they cannot annihilate it.”

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